7 tips for you who lost yourself

An advantage and a disadvantage of being highly intelligent is that it is possible to learn almost everything and do it with excellence. Like adapting to other people’s expectations and becoming the one they wish. We are many who learned early how we would do to belong, who we would be to belong. In the family, at preschool, at school, at leisure and later among friends and at work.

Choosing to be someone that suits others may be because we get appreciation or other positive results from it. It may also be a coping strategy, a way to protect yourself from the pain of not belonging when you bring out your true colors. Find out more about coping in episode 21.

Protecting yourself from pain and seeking rewards in interaction with others is fully natural. But when it leads to losing ourselves, we pay a high price.

Well how do I do then?! If I lost myself? If I change roles like others change clothes and still do not feel like I belong?

Here are seven tips on how to do

1, Get to know yourself. Read about giftedness. Listen to and accept your feelings, thoughts and experiences. Find more about it in episode 13.

2, Find a context where you can meet recognition in other people’s eyes, where you can relax and not limit your choice of words, your thoughts or your intensities. A context where you can experience that you are okay as you are.

Finding the people you can be really close friend with can require a lot of work and take time. I believe it’s enough if there’s a handful of them in life.

But even before you find those close friends you need to feel you’re belonging. There is a lot of research showing how important fellowship is for our well-being (I learned that when I did section 19, about loneliness). As gifted, it’s easy to focus on what separates me from others, because it is often so obvious. Therefore, it becomes extra important to weigh up the feeling of alienation with a sense of belonging. The next two tips are about ways to … ..trick your own brain to believe that you are more attached than you are.

3, Sense of belonging through interests. Spending time on something you’re really interested in along with others who also have it as an interest, can be a way.

For me, different groups online have become that kind of fellowship. There I can immerse myself in specific areas, enjoy other people’s knowledge, share mine, and at the same time skip most stuff that I think are uninteresting in the groups. Outside the net you can find fellowship around sports, music, LARP, board games, volunteer work, outdoor activities and a lot more. It may be an advantage to choose a context that is as heterogeneous as possible, with great age spread, because it is likely to be more open to differences there.

4, Synchronize your body with other’s and your brain perceives that there is a bond between you. Join a choir, practice aikido, yoga or dance class, something where you do the same kind of things synchronously. Something where you and the others reflect each other’s movement pattern or do something in parallel. An advantage of that type of activity is that it doesn’t require as much social or intellectual exchange to function.

It doesn’t have to be people there who you want to talk to, you don’t have to be really interested in the activity and you can be quiet (not in a choir, obviously). The essence of the activity is that you can do it without hiding behind a mask while at the same time giving your brain a sense of belonging.

Even if you’re sitting in an arena and the “wave” goes around, the moment you get up and stretch your arms in the air, you get a sense of belonging. The brain is so easily affected of our behavior.

5, Expand your coping strategies. It has turned out we feel better if we have more and different coping strategies to switch between. So I, as often was a clown in school, might have felt good if I sometimes had been a teacher or maybe one with the wallpaper. See more about this in episode 21.

6, Note when you have been yourself, at any time during the day. Think through the day and consider if there were moments when you were without a mask. Write down when, what you did and if you were with someone. If you are lucky there is already someone close, in whose company you are feeling well. Maybe with an old aunt, a cousin, your coach, a teacher. Note often, if possible daily, and eventually you will clearly see in what context you can be yourself.

Are you involved in contexts that require you to wear a mask all the time? What do you get from that kind of belonging? Is it worth the price? Can you find contexts of belonging elsewhere that cost less? Think about it.

7, Give yourself confirmation that you are okay. This is a simple exercise that works – there is scientific proof of it! Cherish yourself, give yourself a hug and say loud “I like me as I am and I’m worth feeling well.” I usually start the day like that. Nobody hears or sees it. But my brain hears what I say and feel the hug. I meet with a “you’re okay” in my own eyes. Dare to try. So simple and you have everything to win!

Some of the tips give results faster, some require more persistent work and others are tips to return to time after time. Start with what seems easiest.

It is with yourself and in fellowship with others, you can find who you are behind the masks. It takes a lot of energy to protect yourself behind a mask. How plentiful power you will get when you don’t have to both hide yourself and running and looking for a lost you. Do you see how much fun and rewarding things you will gain energy to!

Oh what I hope you want to use the tips. Go for it!

See you!


More to read:

Linda Kreger Silverman, Särskilt begåvade barn (Gifted children). Chapter 5, especially page 167-172 (Swedish edition of Nature & Culture, 2016)

Here is a quote that clearly describes the process of losing yourself:

“When stock in stock of me is created in answer to the question Who do you want me to be today? the I must be me gets buried deeper in the unconscious mind and become a falling glow. For each year that goes, rewards in fulfilling the expectations of others will attract those gifted away from consciousness and contact with their own inner being.”

Katarina Gossip, Den sociala hjärnan (The Social Brain), Bromberg Book Publishing, 2013

Piercarlo Valdesolo, Harvard University, David DeSteno, Northeastern University, Synchrony and the Social Tuning of Compassion

Christopher Germer is a clinical psychologist and part-time lecturer at psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Article in Harvard Business Review.


Make the unreasonable possible

Then you have practiced to dream unreasonably and with the help of imagination extended habitual thought patterns. Now it’s time for action. First, with both dream and action, there can be movement in one direction.

Before you can start acting you need to know in what direction you want to move. In what direction have the dreams brought you?

To unreasonable places? Yes of course. That is what the dream exercise in episode 15 aimed at. And to unreasonable places you will not get in a single step. On the other hand, a couple of steps can be enough to get you to the reasonable. Therefore, it’s a good idea to pan for the reasonable in the dreams you just dreamed.

Example Astronaut
In my exercise I tried a dream of being in space and focused on how I experienced being astronaut. And, of course, I found a good cause chain. To figure that chain out, took a while.

The space is an unattainable place for me. But what was it that I felt and experienced in the dream? Among other things, it was about the satisfaction of having made an effort to the utmost professionally, mentally and physically for many years, to be competent enough to do what I wanted to. It was about rewarding cooperation with colleagues. The joy of being in environments far from what I am used to, contexts that provide a different kind of beauty experiences and new life insights. Pretty so, my experiences in the dream can be summarized.

These are experiences and feelings I can surely get in other ways than being an astronaut. In the same way, I believe it is with the experiences you had in your dreams. If I skip the space part but write down what I want to experience, it may look like this:

  • Use all my skills to perform a given task
  • Strive for a goal a long time and reach it
  • Collegial exchange
  • Experience new environments
  • Experience beauty experiences
  • Get life insights

There is the direction I get from my unreasonable dream. One direction I can go towards. And a feasible one, definitely.


  1. Explore the dreams you practiced. What is it in the dream scenario you like? What are you like? How does it feel? What is it that drives you in the dream?
  2. Purify the feelings, thoughts and experiences. Lift them out of the dream scenario. Write them down.
  3. There you have your direction. As a dot list.

Priming when it comes to dreams of friendships?
An area that many have been exposed to priming, without choosing it themselves, are friendships and relationships. We have seen in films and series how it works. It’s priming that can affect us without us being aware of it. The recipe is often a group of people who look good and are successful. A recipe with unreasonable ingredients that most of us can not get. Like a loft in Manhattan, metropolitan atmosphere and cool friends.

If you release focus from the ingredients and focus on how it feels for you in a dream of friendship, what are you actually experiencing in such dreams? Focus on the feeling. Friendship has nothing to do with how perfect the friends are. Friendship is something completely different.

Those I meet occasionally in the local Mensa-association, we do not fit in any movie and there is not much New York atmosphere in the small town where we hang out, but belonging to that bunch, feels just like the movies convey. Joy and an obvious belonging.

So start from what you’re experiencing in what you dream. Whether it is friendship or anything else you’re dreaming about. Because what you feel in the dream is possible.

My plan was to advise on how to take the first steps in the direction you want, but that’ll have to wait until next time. Anyhow, it’s an advantage to have turned your nose in the direction you aim at, before you start walking. So focus on turning your nose right now!

See you!


Therefore, analytical realists need to dream more!

Now is the startup time for schools, jobs and leisure activities. It’s usually a time of talk about goals and ambitions, about plans and strategies. I love the start of the semester, among other things for that reason. The tickling ambition in me. Mmm to make it tangible into plans and visualize how I achieve what I want.

However all talk about goals falls flat if you do not first know what you value in life and what you dream about.

Hence, before I talk about how to get manageable goals and what pitfalls gifted often stumble into, I’ll talk about the necessity of dreaming.

Dream and action belong together
Perhaps you think that dreaming belongs to spare time, and doesn’t have to do with work? Some people seem to think that there is a contradiction between dream and action. To some people the former is finer than the latter. To others, it’s the other way round.

For me, one can not exist without the other. Dream and action are interconnected and if you take away one, the circle is broken and there will be no forward motion. The best constructions have the dream as a base.

Here are some historical examples of how dream and action drive development:

  • Martin Luther King with the vision of the future where white and black lived as equals
  • Marie Stopes, who dreamed about and worked for it to be possible to have sex without getting pregnant, which was impossible at that time
  • Aung San Suu Kyi, in house arrest for the dream of a democratic Myanmar (Burma). With hindsight, it was not a good idea to have Suu Kyi as a model for dreaming. Myanmar security forces have driven out half a million Muslim Rohingya from northern Rakhine state.
  • The aviation pioneers, the brothers Wright, in their bicycle workshop
  • Harriet Beecher Stowe, who believed that slavery was unjust and immoral, wrote the anti-slavery book Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Dreams have an important function to fill and are necessary for our society. Even more now than then. I also think that dreams are necessary at the individual level.

Over time more sustainable than goals based on reality
Dreams are that important because they goes above and beyond reality. Do you only have goals based on how it looks around you now, you’re skating on thin, thin ice. All of a sudden, reality changes drastically. A bubble burst somewhere and your career is as gone as the market you were working at, or something happens to you so you no longer have the same conditions you had when setting up your goals.

Dreams float freely and can work in several realities. With the dreams in mind, you can reformulate your goals depending on how your surroundings or you change.

Necessity of dreams at the individual level
Dreams have more important functions in life. Sometimes they can be the lifebuoy that keeps you floating. The dreams can also be a projectile that blows the limitations of how you think about yourself and life.

As a highly intelligent and analytical person, dreams are not easily given a chance to develop. Before the dream has taken shape, you have already come up with ten logical arguments why the dream is unreasonable. Therefore, I’ll give you further arguments why you should practice your ability to dream (if you don’t already have it).

Anchor and priming
Should I find arguments which holds for you, I’d rather lean towards people who have far more knowledge than I have. Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman. That’ll be okay? He received the Economics Prize 2002 and 2011 he published the book Thinking fast and slow. A popular scientific version of what he and others researched about how we think.

There is a chapter that deals with something he calls Anchor. By way of illustration, I take a practical example from my profession.

Say that an advertising agency will provide a campaign for us. As a customer, I have defined what we want. The agency will be back with three proposals. One suggestion is the campaign I requested. Another is the slightly more extensive campaign. That campaign the agency is sure will provide the results we want. Then they have another suggestion. The third option is sky high, much more than we wanted, and obviously costs a lot more. The purpose of the proposal is simply to act as an “anchor”. That is to say that in comparison with the third giant, huge proposal, option number two seems quite reasonable.

This is no news. But in the book you can read about why it works. And how completely unreasonable “anchors” affect as much as reasonable ones. How it is possible to use priming as manipulation, for better or worse.

To dream of totally unreasonable things is self-priming. It works! Practice your dream ability and create some dreams you can use as an anchor. Then when the anchor is stuck, you can start making goals.

Read Kahneman! You will get so much evidence that there is wisdom in the old saying “Aim for the sky and you’ll reach the ceiling. Aim for the ceiling and you’ll stay on the floor.”


  1. Imagine something that is impossible for you. Hence impossible by definition.
  2. Dream of how it would be. Imagine the dream has become a reality. Dismiss all objections. Do not worry about the logical somersaults you have to do to imagine the dream.
  3. Invent a way that could have made you achieve that dream. Miracles and incredibilities are completely ok methods. But it should be a causal chain you can derive back to where you are now.
  4. If you think it’s very simple, you probably have not chosen to think of something that’s completely impossible.
  5. From the beginning again.

For every time you do the exercise, you’ve put out a new anchor, a little bit further out. A way of priming yourself.

In the next episode, I will discuss how to find the campfire and how to take steps towards what you want.

But now the semester has begun and it’s time to dream!

Only dreams are stable enough to be the foundation of reality




Daniel Kahneman, Think fast and slowly (Swedish Pocket Version) Chapter 11 Anchor, page 177 -192.


“Too much” it’s just the way it’s supposed to be

The episode I published last week, the school principal’s speech, got such a spread and amazing response, which I couldn’t have reckon. What I understand is that there are more hearts than mine that beats in harmony with those who struggle.

The response started up a tombola of emotion into me. Deep joy, gratitude, expectation, fear of influencing and saying wrong things, the desire to compete and see what I can find to get even more spread, and I end up in performance anxiety.

Again, I remind you that the advice I give you is the advice I need to hear. All the material I publish is what I wanted to say to the younger version of me. Obviously, I need to hear the advice even now.

My advice then? (from the episode about performance anxiety)

  1. What’s the purpose of what you want to achieve? Well, it’s not getting as many viewers on YouTube as possible, even though the response of the previous episode triggers that ambition in me. The purpose is that you who are gifted and struggling, would get some kind of benefit and enjoyment of what I share.
  2. Lower the bar. I wonder what the mechanisms are that make me always want to raise the bar? Lower. Lower. Lower. Damn, it’s that difficult!
  3. Refuse now or never! Just the advice I needed to hear. There are more chances to jump at.
  4. Just do it! Ok. Here comes the episode:

“Too much” it’s just the way it’s supposed to be
Whether you’re told that you’re too sensitive, too fast, too intense, think too much, have too much energy or feel too strong, it’s not true. For all you are and all you feel is ok to be and feel. Just as much as it’s impossible to request someone to feel more, if that someone isn’t able to feel more than she does, nobody can say you should be less intense when it comes to one thing and another. However, it is not always smart to react based on how it feels. But that’s another matter and I’ll delve deeper into that later. What you feel is okay. How you feel is ok.

Being “too much” can simply be a part of what it is to be highly intelligent. See previous episode “You are just too much!”

Trust your own feelings – they are yours
Knowing yourself is a foundation for building the life you want. It’s a part of what’s in your backpack, which you carry with you. Knowing how you function as gifted is another part of what you have in your backpack. To know how you feel and to trust your own feelings is basic and something you carry with you too.

When it comes to this, I have understood that people are different. Some people know their own feelings well and have always done that in an obvious way. I learned early that if my feelings differed from others in a given context, it was the experience of others that was the true one. They were more. Nowadays I have more self-esteem and can often find that I and others experience and feel different and rest in that it’s ok. It’s ok to feel in different ways and it makes neither my nor other’s feelings less true.

Accept what you feel
It’s only when you’re aware of how you feel, you can choose to accept that you feel like you do. And acceptance of how you feel is part of liking yourself. In terms of self-esteem, the author Petra Krantz Lindgren has described it so well. Quote from her book can be found further down.

3 initial steps on the road towards enjoying being “too much”

  1. Get to know your feelings. Observe yourself. Take notes or use voice recorder on your cell phone. When you are more intense – how does it feel in the body? What thoughts and wishes do you get? Put words on the feelings. Or do flow charts, mind maps, comic strip or photo collages that describe how it feels for you. Or find the perfect mathematical formula for what you experience. In order to be able to observe yourself in this way, you need to decide not to act on the basis of your feelings. Just observe and study.
  2. Accept that you feel, think and experience as you do. Whether it’s a feeling you think is good or not. For all the feelings you experience are there, and those you least want to be aware of, are often the ones who chafe the most. Accept those feelings too. Accepting is about acknowledge that the feeling is there, not evaluate it, just letting it be there.
  3. Surround yourself with others who also have strong intensities. As long as you are the only one being gifted in your environment, it can be difficult to trust your own feelings. This because your feelings might be so intense compared to most others. In an environment where your way of being is perceived as the normal, it may be easier for you to affirm the whole of you. Then, if possible, find other gifted to meet.

Does it sound commonplace? The fact is that it works. When I first asked other gifted how they had done to not feel like UFOs all the time, several responded that they like being UFOs and that it’s only about accepting themselves. Easy for them, I thought. They had never felt as weird as I did. Nevertheless, I began to do as they said.

And maybe others think I’m still too much. But I have begun feeling that I am completely as I should be.

Are you urged not to feel like you do? Do you dare to trust your feelings? How have you worked to accept your intensities? Please share your experience and comment below.


Ps. I lowered the bar by just making one recording and publishing it, although in my opinion it was not perfect. But published it is, and then I reach the purpose.

“No, I do not look down, I look up to the sky.” Laleh

More interesting to read

Petra Krantz Lindgren “Nurturing Childrens Self-Esteem”
The whole book is very good and I have had great use of it. Read Chapter 1. Self-esteem! Here is a quote from the beginning of Chapter 1 that simply and accurately describes self-esteem. The quote is translated by me from Swedish.

“I assume that self-esteem consists of two dimensions. The first dimension holds awareness of myself: about my abilities, my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, my desire and my dreams. The second dimension is about what acceptance I have for what I know about myself. A person with healthy self-esteem accepts herself and likes herself, just as she is. She feels she is good enough, with all her thoughts, emotions and needs. With all her desire and longing. With all her strengths, but also with her weaknesses.”

Here is a link to Petra Krantz Lindgren’s web “Another You”

David A Sousa “Some Strategies for Working with Students Who Exhibit Overaxcitabilities”
Read pages 38 – 41! Although the text addresses teachers, I think that you may benefit from reading it. The entire chapter is very interesting.
Link to the book the text is taken from
David A Sousa “How the Gifted Brain Learns”



Performance anxiety? No, I’m not like that!

Performance anxiety. I know that some get it sometimes, and for others it may ruin life in total. I have planned to address it in a section later on. To describe it carefully and refer to different articles and others’ advice on how to handle it. Because I’m not such a type of person who gets performance anxiety. Not at all. I’m more laid back and cool.

The fact that more than two weeks has passed and did not record episodes as planned, it has nothing to do with stressing about the post. I have thought. Until today when I told two of my loved ones that I got stuck with the recordings. The response was immediate. “But mom, just do what you say we will do when we get stuck.” That’s when I remembered that I’m certainly a person who gets performance anxiety. Even if I do not like the idea, it has happened before.

The unrecorded episodes have haunted and rattle their chains in almost everything I’ve done last week. And took all the energy out of me.

Why right now?
One factor that might be of significance is that I received amazing feedback on the posts I published. I just got the response I was hoping for when I started thinking about a blog. Some of you who look or read have met me “in reality” recently, and only then the penny has dropped. Thus you who are looking on youtube exist in reality. Thus you’ve listened to some of what I said.

Surely it’s strange, when I hear that I’m contributing something, I start making new demands on me. Obligations to perform better than hitherto. No one has said, “Vera, now you have to snap up and get better” and yet that’s happening in my head.

Well, what happened?
Okay, anxiety is probably a too strong word. What happens is that I postpone the recording. Make up a lot of reasons to postpone it. Not only do I think about the recording, lots of other things pop up and aspire as important things to worry about. And when I put all my energy on something else, there is no chance of performing any recording.

The advantage of postponing it is that I do not need to see if I reach my new higher level of demands. The downside is that it takes so much energy and I get nothing done. Not even the things I usually do without any effort. I do nothing and yet feel completely exhausted.

Six advice for managing performance anxiety
Here are the advice I usually give in terms of performance anxiety and now it’s time for me to listen to them myself. Some of them have I received from others.

  1. What’s the purpose of what you want to achieve? At home it’s often questions about school work. The purpose might be to get a certain grade, to show the teacher that you master a particular subject or to make as little effort as possible and yet avoid failing a class. Remember the purpose otherwise you may make the task of something bigger and more important than it needs to be.
  2. Lower the bar. Did you have too high ambitions with the task? Dare to change purpose and lower the bar. You will get lots of new opportunities to perform at higher levels.
  3. Refuse now or never! Have you been told that it is now it’s about to perform? To get the grade you want, to get where you want and so on? Forget about it! So far I have lived that I’ve met people who managed to get where they want to, even if they failed their initial chances.
  4. Just do it! It’s usually more important to get it done, than to make it perfect.
  5. Just do it!
  6. Just do it!

Now it is done!
What a relief. Tonight I’ll sleep well.

Whether someone is looking at this episode or not, the recording has filled my purpose. I have finished the none-recording period. Now I can continue to record the episodes I planned and I can write new ones. I have lowered my own bar. And I think you and other people are usually kind and forgiving, you will give me new chances to share other things I’ve learned. Now I have done it!

Links and references can wait for later episodes of performance anxiety and how it can be managed. This episode is not at that level. When I think about it, the best thing is that nobody sees this post, because then I’ve achieved my purpose without anyone knowing that I’m one of those who can get performance anxiety. It’s the advantage of publishing post late at night!

Be kind to yourself AND to me!

See you!


Five tips for you who are gifted and have a hard time

But where are the tips, tools and methods that I declared should be in the blog? My thought has been that they will come a bit at a time. As I go into more detail in different domains, you will get more practical tools for those areas. However, you don’t have to wait too long for the promised, I’ll give you five tips today. Tips I’ve carried with me during the many stumbling years.

Before it’s time for tips, I’ll tell you about the blog structure. It’s both the practical tips and the composite whole of experience and knowledge you can benefit from. The blog is divided into five different areas.

The backpack
Wherever you go, jump or stand you have yourself with you. Like a backpack. It’s important to know what you have in your backpack and the first section are devoted to looking at giftedness, from every possible point of view. It’s essential to know how and why you function as you do. When you have lifted up and twisted and turned the parts of your luggage, it is easier to pack them in a more convenient and hiking-friendly manner. It may also turn out to be some heavy things you do not have to bring anymore. You can throw them away and move on easier.

Under the stars
Only you know what you dream about and what you value in life. To feel satisfaction, we need to live in harmony with our values. In the second section, I’ll show how you can do to dream freely. How you can do to find out your values, not just those you want and believe you have, but also those underlying the surface and affect your life choices.

Around the campfire
Necessary for my well-being has been to find people I can have mutual relationships with. Find the people who can be my friends. It does not matter if it’s 2-3 people or 20-30 people. It’s the recognition and understanding in the eyes of others that are important. I have usually preferred to be to myself, but I have learned about and experienced the importance of relationships with others who are gifted. Still I want to be alone, but now I’m looking for friends around the campfire more often.

Map and compass
To get the life you want to live, it’s a must to understand how the outside world works. It’s in the meeting with the outside world I’ve stumbled the most. I have not been able to read the terrain from the map I have had. Or if it’s just my compass that is calibrated differently than others, but I’m learning! If you learn to navigate around the world, your possibilities to live in harmony with your values increases.

Hiking boots on
Life can not live only in the head. Just as the body and the brain need stimulation to function, life needs movement to be able to live. Then at what rate you go, in what way, in what direction, it’s your choice. The good thing about life is that fastest, farthest and most, does not win in terms of satisfaction with life. You have all the conceivable choices for how you want to live your life. In this part of the blog, I will give tips, advice and also encourage you to take those first steps in the direction you want to go.

The structure is supposed to be something like this. Although after the first episode was published, I received feedback and questions about areas that I initially did not intend to address. If you will continue to give feedback, which I hope, the five different sections will be developed if needed.

Five tips for those of you who are struggling right now
These are advice I carry with me and remind myself of often.

  1. One day at a time. Today you can handle. Tomorrow is another day. I rest on the one-day-at-time-strategy that works for so many alcoholics and addicts. If it works for them to stay sober, it can work for me as well. Today I can handle.
  2. Stick to the lights in your life. Is there anything in your life that makes you feel better? Which gives stimulus? Joy? Or who in any case distracts so much that time passes? Stick to it. If it’s to play Civ, go long walks in the woods, or watch the all episodes of Netflix series doesn’t matter. See also the weakest of light in your life and let it shine for you.
  3. One worry at a time. Do you have much that worries you? Make a bullet list on a piece of paper. No essays or ruminating. Only short words. Then remove the paper. Now your consciousness has understood that you know everything you worry about and do not need to remind you all the time. Now you have given yourself some breathing space.
  4. Take ONE minimal step. Perhaps the small step in change may be to read the blog. Stick to the little hope that my story can bring. Minimal steps may look different, but regardless of the slightness, they mean change. Do not stay in bed in the morning but move to the couch and lie there. It’s a step. Opening the window and breathing outdoor air is one step. Take a minimal step. It is enough.
  5. Be kind to yourself! Do to yourself as you may treat someone you like. Be kind.

Take care. See you!



Tomorrow is another day….

The note on our fridge (if you can read the writing…)

The note on our fridge (if you can read the writing...)