The episode I published last week, the school principal’s speech, got such a spread and amazing response, which I couldn’t have reckon. What I understand is that there are more hearts than mine that beats in harmony with those who struggle.
The response started up a tombola of emotion into me. Deep joy, gratitude, expectation, fear of influencing and saying wrong things, the desire to compete and see what I can find to get even more spread, and I end up in performance anxiety.
Again, I remind you that the advice I give you is the advice I need to hear. All the material I publish is what I wanted to say to the younger version of me. Obviously, I need to hear the advice even now.
My advice then? (from the episode about performance anxiety)
- What’s the purpose of what you want to achieve? Well, it’s not getting as many viewers on YouTube as possible, even though the response of the previous episode triggers that ambition in me. The purpose is that you who are gifted and struggling, would get some kind of benefit and enjoyment of what I share.
- Lower the bar. I wonder what the mechanisms are that make me always want to raise the bar? Lower. Lower. Lower. Damn, it’s that difficult!
- Refuse now or never! Just the advice I needed to hear. There are more chances to jump at.
- Just do it! Ok. Here comes the episode:
“Too much” it’s just the way it’s supposed to be
Whether you’re told that you’re too sensitive, too fast, too intense, think too much, have too much energy or feel too strong, it’s not true. For all you are and all you feel is ok to be and feel. Just as much as it’s impossible to request someone to feel more, if that someone isn’t able to feel more than she does, nobody can say you should be less intense when it comes to one thing and another. However, it is not always smart to react based on how it feels. But that’s another matter and I’ll delve deeper into that later. What you feel is okay. How you feel is ok.
Being “too much” can simply be a part of what it is to be highly intelligent. See previous episode “You are just too much!”
Trust your own feelings – they are yours
Knowing yourself is a foundation for building the life you want. It’s a part of what’s in your backpack, which you carry with you. Knowing how you function as gifted is another part of what you have in your backpack. To know how you feel and to trust your own feelings is basic and something you carry with you too.
When it comes to this, I have understood that people are different. Some people know their own feelings well and have always done that in an obvious way. I learned early that if my feelings differed from others in a given context, it was the experience of others that was the true one. They were more. Nowadays I have more self-esteem and can often find that I and others experience and feel different and rest in that it’s ok. It’s ok to feel in different ways and it makes neither my nor other’s feelings less true.
Accept what you feel
It’s only when you’re aware of how you feel, you can choose to accept that you feel like you do. And acceptance of how you feel is part of liking yourself. In terms of self-esteem, the author Petra Krantz Lindgren has described it so well. Quote from her book can be found further down.
3 initial steps on the road towards enjoying being “too much”
- Get to know your feelings. Observe yourself. Take notes or use voice recorder on your cell phone. When you are more intense – how does it feel in the body? What thoughts and wishes do you get? Put words on the feelings. Or do flow charts, mind maps, comic strip or photo collages that describe how it feels for you. Or find the perfect mathematical formula for what you experience. In order to be able to observe yourself in this way, you need to decide not to act on the basis of your feelings. Just observe and study.
- Accept that you feel, think and experience as you do. Whether it’s a feeling you think is good or not. For all the feelings you experience are there, and those you least want to be aware of, are often the ones who chafe the most. Accept those feelings too. Accepting is about acknowledge that the feeling is there, not evaluate it, just letting it be there.
- Surround yourself with others who also have strong intensities. As long as you are the only one being gifted in your environment, it can be difficult to trust your own feelings. This because your feelings might be so intense compared to most others. In an environment where your way of being is perceived as the normal, it may be easier for you to affirm the whole of you. Then, if possible, find other gifted to meet.
Does it sound commonplace? The fact is that it works. When I first asked other gifted how they had done to not feel like UFOs all the time, several responded that they like being UFOs and that it’s only about accepting themselves. Easy for them, I thought. They had never felt as weird as I did. Nevertheless, I began to do as they said.
And maybe others think I’m still too much. But I have begun feeling that I am completely as I should be.
Are you urged not to feel like you do? Do you dare to trust your feelings? How have you worked to accept your intensities? Please share your experience and comment below.
Ps. I lowered the bar by just making one recording and publishing it, although in my opinion it was not perfect. But published it is, and then I reach the purpose.
“No, I do not look down, I look up to the sky.” Laleh
More interesting to read
Petra Krantz Lindgren “Nurturing Childrens Self-Esteem”
The whole book is very good and I have had great use of it. Read Chapter 1. Self-esteem! Here is a quote from the beginning of Chapter 1 that simply and accurately describes self-esteem. The quote is translated by me from Swedish.
“I assume that self-esteem consists of two dimensions. The first dimension holds awareness of myself: about my abilities, my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, my desire and my dreams. The second dimension is about what acceptance I have for what I know about myself. A person with healthy self-esteem accepts herself and likes herself, just as she is. She feels she is good enough, with all her thoughts, emotions and needs. With all her desire and longing. With all her strengths, but also with her weaknesses.”
Here is a link to Petra Krantz Lindgren’s web “Another You”
David A Sousa “Some Strategies for Working with Students Who Exhibit Overaxcitabilities”
Read pages 38 – 41! Although the text addresses teachers, I think that you may benefit from reading it. The entire chapter is very interesting.
Link to the book the text is taken from
David A Sousa “How the Gifted Brain Learns”